The New, Fail-Safe Sex Position That Will Make Him Break Up With You

Are you bored and tired of the usual break up speech? Try The Penis Bender. It’s fun, adventurous, and it’s a fail safe way of getting that crappy guy out of your life.

Here’s how:

Put on your best lingerie – the silky fabric on your skin will heighten your arousal. Lingerie is also designed for maximum maneuverability which will only aid you in executing the Penis Bender position.

Next, take his penis in your hand and bend it around until your undesired man says ‘Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.’ That’s your cue that the position is working.

Then, get on top of his penis and have sex until you have an orgasm. Knowing that this is the last time that you’ll ever have to deal with him will help you reach a quick, sharp orgasm.

Next, take his penis and bend it into a donut shape. This will elicit more expressions of protest on his part. (We’re so close!)

Next, get off the bed and walk to the other side of the room. Count to three, then take a running leap back on the bed making sure to ram either your elbow or your knee into his crotch and yell, ‘Crush IT!!!!’

Watch out – he will want to stick around and figure out what the hell is going on with you, he may even try to hit you. When this happens, keep interrupting him with the phrase ‘Put it in my hands so I can bend it into a donut again.’

Make sure you have mace handy.

If this position doesn’t quite seem right for you, don’t despair. By tinkering just a bit with any of your favorite sex positions you can achieve orgasm and avoid that awkward break up speech at the same time. Experiment and find out what works for you!